The Battle Within

There is a battle being fought deep inside my mind. A struggle between the old and new. Left and right. Normal and abnormal.

On one side, I want to be more normal. More sensible, more stable. Grounding myself in reality and acting like those around me. I want stable employment, to act seriously, and strengthen myself.

On the other, I want to be an animal, I have multiple people in my head, and I want to explore both of these things further. I want to expand the boundaries of my mind and be unashamedly weird. I want to be vulnerable and soft.

There is more than likely a balance between the two, a blend that works best. Running away into the woods is not a feasible option, but becoming a worker behind a desk would kill me inside. There is a delicate formula that would allow for me to work with human society while remaining true to myself.

I’ve always struggled with everything in my life being seemingly black or white, one or the other. In reality there is little that is truly binary. There’s always a gradient, a degree, a slide, a pendulum that swings from one end to the other. Am I this or am I that? Why not both at the same time? Why not more than two things at the same time? If your heart believes it is true then it is.

Maybe a ceasefire can be called. Maybe a truce can be made. Maybe, the two sides can work together, and function as one.

Only time will tell.